I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
