life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
