is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
