There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize