Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
