Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
