Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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