thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
