I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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