I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
