I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
