i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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