You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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