just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
