it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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