I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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