So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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