i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i think im in europe. pls send help
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize