She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize