my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
