Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
