Sponge bath it is.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
