Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
