Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
