I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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