you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
