This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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