who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
