Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
