nut hugger
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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