walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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