you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
