I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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The uberlube is also flammable
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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