Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
