I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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