well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
