At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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