my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
