the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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