I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
