she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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