There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
