I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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