she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
