he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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