Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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