At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i now understand why vodka
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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