saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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