is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My balls are so social today.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
