the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
