There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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