Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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