there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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