I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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