OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
