It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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