yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
