mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
