I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
