Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
