I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
