So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
