If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
did i walk over a car last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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