I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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