I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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