Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
