The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
