My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
