I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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